Yearly check-in (2025 edition)

8 min read  •  2025-12-21

Hello againđź”—

Hi, checking in for my year in review post for 2025.

While writing this post, I admit I am feeling sensitive about how the last few years of the blog has only been status updates. I accept that it is what it is, but I also acknowledge this internal obligation to keep the streak of at least one post a year. For documentation purposes, I am keeping busy in the real world. It's not been a priority to write for this blog. I don’t yet have creative work to share, and no one gains if I try and force myself to post without intention.

Speaking of intention, I must remind myself why I do I even bother holding myself to checking in yearly: I do it to create a save point, compress some memory, and refocus my energy.

I want to look back at a collection of past thinking and work that I found important enough to share my thoughts. Presently, I almost never revisit what I write. (But I will eventually!) I want to remember the experience, and tbh, I want to judge whether I'm improving my ability to articulate what I mean to say. Admittedly, these reflections aren’t for a general audience. Not as useful to read as it was for me to write. I hope I'll return to sharing other thoughts band projects in the future. For now, I’m going to continue because I feel like it.

How am I doing this year?đź”—

If you are reading, hello! Before I continue, I want to share that I'm feeling more like myself and less like I'm languishing in burnout. I recognize I'm a completely different person compared to last year.

I want to compare my burnout healing metaphor with like a crab molting. Crabs live and grow inside their hard shells, until they become too big for the shell. They break out of their hard shell in order to survive and continue to grow. Much like a crab, I’ve just molted my figurative “working in tech” shell.

Also for a while after molt, crab are soft and vulnerable to injury or predation. Their shell also provided physical protection and structure to hold their own body up and walk with their legs. They keep to themselves until they recreate the structure. For me, it will take some more time while my new shell forms, but I've got time, energy, and support. I want to reflect upon how it is going in this new chapter.

Quick Reflectionđź”—

Looking back at this year, I reserved time and put in effort to practice the act of creating just for myself to prove that I can do it. Specifically not for sharing online, so I can build my endurance to actually doing the work and learning the new patterns in my life.

At the start of the year I dove into the Artist's Way and stuck with it to week 12 after being motivated by recording artist Doechii (who documented her own journey on youtube before seeing her career momentum pick up). I don't know how much I want to say about the course that hasn't already been said. But I'm thankful for the creativity support and structure for exploration and reflection. I needed it at the time.

In the middle of the year I took a family trip to the Philippines. I was a child the last time I was here. A very different experience as an adult, for sure. I left with many pictures and memories, (and heavier, unresolved feelings about my privileges as an American with US Dollar). Also I miss the country-wide Filipino community spirit that I only before experienced with family.

Shortly after returning home, my last grandparent passed after being hospitalized. I was fortunate to have the lack of work responsibilities. So I could show up often, as needed. We all mourn her passing, however we lost our chance to reconnect with history that was never shared. I feel disappointed, but I understand. (This is sort of why I am motivated to tell stories, but I digress...)

For 2025, I purposely kept focus narrow. Specifically worked on my physical and mental health, and simple home improvements related to my future projects. On the side, I dabbled in code for some software maintenance for myself and the makerspace I’ve been volunteering at. Loosely managing my time as opportunities would arise.

Very fortunate to have the financial and emotional support of my spouse, which enabled me to live life slowly this year. I better understand that I need to feel a close connection to what I spend energy doing. It will take some time to create that kind of support system for myself, and its a long-term journey.

Living today (for the future)đź”—

Insert the Spongebob meme of Squidward curling on the ground yelling “Future!”.

I am an anxious person. The world today fills with feelings of mild dread - which is the more prevalent vibe among my circle. However, I am optimistic for the future. Maybe not the short-term future, but more for the long-term future. It is part of my deliberate plan of setting ambitious goals… possibly delusional goals? I will explain my meaning in a moment.

Opting into delusion, againđź”—

I’ve been relating the last few years to a specific time when I experienced long professional uncertainty: the months I experienced after graduating from college. I was interviewing my first industry job. My partner (we had not yet married) was supporting me emotionally and financially, for the first time. I had a lot of free time and not a lot of money saved up. Typically I spent all day applying for jobs, practicing for interviews, and daydreaming about the kind of life I could potentially have.

One day I drew a picture and listed those ideas. I pictured spending my free time with hobbies and projects. Immortalized as milestones on an 8” x 11” page. It was a collection of interests and activities that all together described a lifestyle that was very different from what being a student was like. I described more wanting more time in nature, work life balance with creative outlet, non-tech activities, and quality time with my partner.

About a decade has passed since then. This picture I drew is framed, and I look at it a lot. I’ve achieved all (of the realistic) goals years ago before the pandemic. I thought it an unexpected and unusual achievement for finally getting to the last milestone set a very long time ago. I gave myself a pat myself on the back. Thought I would just move on with my life.

But I missed the old comfort from aligning my life toward (the fairly abstract future) I imagined. So now, for my second time as an adult, I daydream... to describe the waypoint in my future. My milestones thematically oppose my time in enterprise (derogatory) tech. I'm trying to atone for my involvement in the industry. I tried so hard to get into it, only to immediately dislike the culture and stay for the money.

My artist's wayđź”—

My mental model, just to paint a picture, is like 3 planetary orbits around a star, as representation of impact area - bigger orbit, bigger domain. I’ll share some in-progress of what within these domains I want to attain.

The smallest orbit represents: Myself - These are personal and for my benefit

The next orbit represents: Close community - My partner, my friends, and family

The last, and biggest orbit represents: Other Community - Social groups, organizations, my neighborhood, the people in the city

Looking far forwardđź”—

All together I want my future to be one with sustainable creative output, relative comfort, with meaningful connection between my actions and my intentions. I’m readying myself for building self-sustaining systems and being present for long-term support. I hope this will prevent another burn out, and cultivate a different culture than the helpless but demanding techbro-vibe that burned me out. Time will tell. But I hope now that I have articulated this vision, I can give myself permission to get started.